Published June 29, 2012 by Miss Pamstar


Today is one of those lazy laid back Fridays, all excited about a colleague’s birthday party in the office and so looking forward to the drinks we planning to have after work. So I decide to leave my feminine look at home and dress more tomboyish to feel comfortable for the party later. With all the hype about what we going to drink and eat I decided to accompany our administrator to buy snacks for the party. On a route we always use with no worries or fear, suddenly today that all changes. Two guys and one woman are standing by the corner they looked shady to a point that I mentioned it to my colleague that we must be alert jokingly. A few steps forward we notice that one of the guys is actually following us. So we panic, hide our phones in our bra’s and start walking fast because the road is just quiet and we are the only people walking there, we say a little prayer (NO WEAPONS FORMED AGAINST US SHALL PROSPER). Luckily people came around the corner and the guy turned away. With great relief we are safe! *sigh*we continue walking to the shop. So I tell my colleague we are not using the same road again so we decided to change routes when going back to the office and use the main road. To our surprise just as we pass the robots on the main road next to the cemetery, the same guys jump out from behind the trees. I froze in shock and my colleague quickly grabbed me by my sweater and pulls me to run to the busiest road cars and taxis coming towards us as we try to escape to the other side by the garage. Again we managed to get away unharmed, still in shock we get to the office and we tell them of what had happened and to warn them to be aware of those thugs.

Later on, we are laughing and talking about our past experiences. As I sit in my desk, my mind can’t stop thinking of what could have happened if those guys got to us. Maybe I’m being paranoid but hey, why today of all the days? The day I am dressed as a tomboy with my pants hanging below my waist and a hoody with boyish looking boots, no make up. I kept pretending I was fine until another colleague notices I am not my bubbly self after the incident and decides to talk to me about it.

I hate feeling like a victim; I am furious that now my party mood has shut down because of those bustards! I am trying to work, but for some weird reason I find myself on Google trying to shop online for a pepper spray and a stun gun. The fucked up part about all of this is the fact that it reminded me of the past events when I was mugged at gun point, when Iwas kicked down and stepped on for being lesbian and the other gruesome crimes that my fellow lesbian butch sisters go through. That reminded me of a piece I wrote four years ago when I was robbed at gunpoint and I thought I should share it with you guys. So I need your help guys, please share your stories and help me decide between the STAN GUN OR THE PEPPER SPRAY!




So I’ve heard that we are now a rainbow nation

A rainbow has many colors,

What do they really mean?

Freedom was fought for, and we won it somehow

Freedom to what exactly?

They say we are one now

But, I still see a divided country.

Divided in a sense that our fellow brothers are attacking us, raping us, robbing us and our brothers from another mothers are doing nothing to help our skinny terrified asses.

South Africamy beloved country!

Of many races who are supposed to be united

But are not!

Sad truth but our country,

Our freedom,

Our democracy,

 Our brothers who have no respect for women,

 Our divided rainbow nation.

Yeah! What’s all this crap about woman’s rights?

Rights to what exactly?

Rights to be raped,

Robbed at gunpoint,

Abused, or rights to be protected

By who?

The same brothers, who rape, kill, rob and abuse us

In 1976 our brothers and sisters fought, some were killed fighting for freedom.

Freedom to what?

Tell me my African “so called brothers”

Why do you fail to protect us?

Why do you take for granted the democracy fought for so hard?

Why are you dividing our rainbow nation?

Why do you kill, rape, rob, and abuse us?

Apartheid now is back!

Not among races, I’m black and a black brother who should be appreciating my dark beautiful complexion.

Robbed me.

A black brother who should be proud of me for getting my skinny ass up and getting a job.

Violated me.

A black brother who should be protecting me

Abused me emotionally and physically.

While my other “so called”, white, Indian, coloured and other black brothers rolled up the windows of their fancy cars and turned a blind eye.

South African beloved country!

South Africamy divided rainbow nation country!

Why do hurt your own sisters?

Just because I have breasts you me as a target,

Do you really want change? No crime?

Please don’t be ridiculous! I don’t see it happening,

I’ve lost hope.

Why should I vote?

Give me a damn good reason

Vote for what?

Vote for the government who live in fancy houses,

Drive fancy cars and whose kids have personal body guards!

While my skinny ass gets robbed, raped, abused and killed!

My SAP (South African Police) you who should be protecting me,

You tell me to wait!

While you sip on your free coffee paid for by my taxes.

Protect me!

Care for me!

Comfort me!

I’m your sister.

Don’t divide our country even more,

Don’t turn a blind eye when I’m being robbed.

It is your duty to protect me.

You say united we stand, divided we fall!

Well, I guess our country has fallen flat on its ass.

Coz you turned a blind eye when your sister was violated.

You divided our rainbow nation even more!

Are you proud of yourself?

Ya, ne!

Our divided rainbow nation.

Blame us for immigrating!

Complain about the effect it has on your on your economy.

What about the trauma you put us through?

Blame foreigners for coming to your country,

Oooooh! Your precious country!

They work! Not all of them are drug dealers.

I’m sure they protect their sisters,

They are more decent than you!

Hate me for telling the truth, but

Deep down in your hearts (if you have any)

You know I’m right!

South Africamy beloved country

With our divided rainbow nation!

Yes I’m angry!

Yes I’m hurt!

Yes I’m scared!

Yes I’m black and

Yes I’m African

But I’m not proud to be one now.

Ya it’s just a phone, but fact is it was mine!

Brothers I’m hurt!

Have you got anything to say about that?



                                                                                                                                                       (25 NOV 2008)



  • Omw God was with you guys. Im glad you guys are okay…. Something needs to be done really and soon . Which area did all this take place?

    • Thank you for taking time to read my blog and it is indeed sad that we have to suffer for being who we are… we can scream as loud as we want the government is still not doing anything to help us… i guess action must begin with us and this has to end now!!! the work you are doing currently to fight these crimes is really appreciated and i am behind you all the way! just shout if you need help…:)

  • its so sad and draining reading about this, and yet the only responses we hear are silent ones.. each day some one dies.. they are killed by bare hands… by looks that people give, by stones and words that leave you bruised… and you are left with one question.. did i hurt anybody? did i snatch somebodies bread or maybe am i a threat to them… i keep saying maybe one day it will all make sense… maybe when you and i are dead..

    • Thank you for taking time to read my blog and it is indeed sad that we have to suffer for being who we are… we can scream as loud as we want the government is still not doing anything to help us… i guess action must begin with us and this has to end now!!!

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