All posts for the month June, 2012


Published June 29, 2012 by Miss Pamstar


Today is one of those lazy laid back Fridays, all excited about a colleague’s birthday party in the office and so looking forward to the drinks we planning to have after work. So I decide to leave my feminine look at home and dress more tomboyish to feel comfortable for the party later. With all the hype about what we going to drink and eat I decided to accompany our administrator to buy snacks for the party. On a route we always use with no worries or fear, suddenly today that all changes. Two guys and one woman are standing by the corner they looked shady to a point that I mentioned it to my colleague that we must be alert jokingly. A few steps forward we notice that one of the guys is actually following us. So we panic, hide our phones in our bra’s and start walking fast because the road is just quiet and we are the only people walking there, we say a little prayer (NO WEAPONS FORMED AGAINST US SHALL PROSPER). Luckily people came around the corner and the guy turned away. With great relief we are safe! *sigh*we continue walking to the shop. So I tell my colleague we are not using the same road again so we decided to change routes when going back to the office and use the main road. To our surprise just as we pass the robots on the main road next to the cemetery, the same guys jump out from behind the trees. I froze in shock and my colleague quickly grabbed me by my sweater and pulls me to run to the busiest road cars and taxis coming towards us as we try to escape to the other side by the garage. Again we managed to get away unharmed, still in shock we get to the office and we tell them of what had happened and to warn them to be aware of those thugs.

Later on, we are laughing and talking about our past experiences. As I sit in my desk, my mind can’t stop thinking of what could have happened if those guys got to us. Maybe I’m being paranoid but hey, why today of all the days? The day I am dressed as a tomboy with my pants hanging below my waist and a hoody with boyish looking boots, no make up. I kept pretending I was fine until another colleague notices I am not my bubbly self after the incident and decides to talk to me about it.

I hate feeling like a victim; I am furious that now my party mood has shut down because of those bustards! I am trying to work, but for some weird reason I find myself on Google trying to shop online for a pepper spray and a stun gun. The fucked up part about all of this is the fact that it reminded me of the past events when I was mugged at gun point, when Iwas kicked down and stepped on for being lesbian and the other gruesome crimes that my fellow lesbian butch sisters go through. That reminded me of a piece I wrote four years ago when I was robbed at gunpoint and I thought I should share it with you guys. So I need your help guys, please share your stories and help me decide between the STAN GUN OR THE PEPPER SPRAY!




So I’ve heard that we are now a rainbow nation

A rainbow has many colors,

What do they really mean?

Freedom was fought for, and we won it somehow

Freedom to what exactly?

They say we are one now

But, I still see a divided country.

Divided in a sense that our fellow brothers are attacking us, raping us, robbing us and our brothers from another mothers are doing nothing to help our skinny terrified asses.

South Africamy beloved country!

Of many races who are supposed to be united

But are not!

Sad truth but our country,

Our freedom,

Our democracy,

 Our brothers who have no respect for women,

 Our divided rainbow nation.

Yeah! What’s all this crap about woman’s rights?

Rights to what exactly?

Rights to be raped,

Robbed at gunpoint,

Abused, or rights to be protected

By who?

The same brothers, who rape, kill, rob and abuse us

In 1976 our brothers and sisters fought, some were killed fighting for freedom.

Freedom to what?

Tell me my African “so called brothers”

Why do you fail to protect us?

Why do you take for granted the democracy fought for so hard?

Why are you dividing our rainbow nation?

Why do you kill, rape, rob, and abuse us?

Apartheid now is back!

Not among races, I’m black and a black brother who should be appreciating my dark beautiful complexion.

Robbed me.

A black brother who should be proud of me for getting my skinny ass up and getting a job.

Violated me.

A black brother who should be protecting me

Abused me emotionally and physically.

While my other “so called”, white, Indian, coloured and other black brothers rolled up the windows of their fancy cars and turned a blind eye.

South African beloved country!

South Africamy divided rainbow nation country!

Why do hurt your own sisters?

Just because I have breasts you me as a target,

Do you really want change? No crime?

Please don’t be ridiculous! I don’t see it happening,

I’ve lost hope.

Why should I vote?

Give me a damn good reason

Vote for what?

Vote for the government who live in fancy houses,

Drive fancy cars and whose kids have personal body guards!

While my skinny ass gets robbed, raped, abused and killed!

My SAP (South African Police) you who should be protecting me,

You tell me to wait!

While you sip on your free coffee paid for by my taxes.

Protect me!

Care for me!

Comfort me!

I’m your sister.

Don’t divide our country even more,

Don’t turn a blind eye when I’m being robbed.

It is your duty to protect me.

You say united we stand, divided we fall!

Well, I guess our country has fallen flat on its ass.

Coz you turned a blind eye when your sister was violated.

You divided our rainbow nation even more!

Are you proud of yourself?

Ya, ne!

Our divided rainbow nation.

Blame us for immigrating!

Complain about the effect it has on your on your economy.

What about the trauma you put us through?

Blame foreigners for coming to your country,

Oooooh! Your precious country!

They work! Not all of them are drug dealers.

I’m sure they protect their sisters,

They are more decent than you!

Hate me for telling the truth, but

Deep down in your hearts (if you have any)

You know I’m right!

South Africamy beloved country

With our divided rainbow nation!

Yes I’m angry!

Yes I’m hurt!

Yes I’m scared!

Yes I’m black and

Yes I’m African

But I’m not proud to be one now.

Ya it’s just a phone, but fact is it was mine!

Brothers I’m hurt!

Have you got anything to say about that?



                                                                                                                                                       (25 NOV 2008)



Published June 28, 2012 by Miss Pamstar


My heart is torn and tears literally rolling down my face as I’m writing this article; my heart was filled with anger and so much hurt when I watched the documentary on SABC 3 (Sunday, 24 june), (The worst place to be gay in the world). The ignorance and the hatred in the hearts of Ugandans towards homosexuals is despicable to say the least. The fact that they say homosexuals should be killed with a straight face is just pure B S.  Well, the documentary was heart breaking not more than the fact that another Lesbian was attacked in her own home and shot in cold blood for her sexuality. I mean this is just too freaking much, how much more can we live in fear of our lives. South Africa being the most advancing African country with rights for homosexuals yet we still read about our own being killed and raped everyday and nothing is being done about it. *in tears* this breaks my heart so much to think that I just recently relocated to this city with the most homophobic crimes than where I come from.  I keep asking myself what is it exactly that activists are fighting for? I mean I do my bit in fighting for the LGBTI rights to be exercised in our country, but whenever I hear, see and read such dreadful stories about my fellow sisters and brothers being raped and brutally murdered and justice is not done I get pissed off! The fact that after so many years that homosexuality has been acknowledged by the government to be legal and is equally recognized as a constitutional right, but still homosexuals are being mistreated by all, including the government officials. I fail to understand why we are still treated as a separate group yet we are denied separate rights like the fact that “corrective rape” should be acknowledge as a different crime than to be treated the same as the heterosexual rape. This is one of many other equality rights that we are fighting for in our rainbow nation country. The fact that justice is not served quickly to South Africans as it was to the Annie Dewani case raises a question to me, as to why are we South Africans not enjoying our democracy that our South African people fought for? I don’t mean to be political I just want to understand how long are we going to live like this? What have we done so bad to be treated like this?

Maybe we should look at ourselves first, activists do their bit but, what about the rest of the homosexual community? Think about it if we stood together in the fight for our rights maybe, just maybe we could be heard and taken seriously. I feel that heterosexuals are ungrateful beings, as far as their complains are concerned, they still get infected with HIV/AIDS but the governments supply them with free condoms the only thing that comes out of their mouths is “choice (condoms) this, choice that” like really now. They get free education about their sexual behavior in the media. What about us? I know maybe I sound as if I’ve got something against heterosexuals, I don’t know maybe I do I just don’t see it. It might be because most of the crimes directed at homosexuals the perpetrators are heterosexuals. Not that I despise all heterosexuals my family and other friends of mine are straight, I think I have a problem with the ones that are homophobic. This article is not to for me to bitch about heterosexuals; it is just a question I’ve had in my mind that is this how we are supposed to live?

Two weeks before I wrote this article I had a shock of my life and I was disgusted as well. I was with my other “acquaintances” well I call them that because I don’t feel after that conversation they deserve the title of being called my friends. Anyway I was with these girls and we are all proudly out of the closet lesbians as they say it. Apparently there was an email going around of a gay guy who was bashed in some township and the victim dresses as a drag queen, so what happened is the perpetrators beat this guy up and took his wig and they were throwing it amongst themselves and this poor gay guy was sitting down with his high heels in those pictures. What shocked me is the way that these girls I was with were laughing as they were telling this story; I didn’t find any amusement in that I looked at them with fury they asked me if I was okay. I just felt I should give them a piece of my mind and tell them exactly how I felt about that. I nearly cried that day thinking how childish and insensitive of them to laugh at such a horrible thing. I asked them what if one of them could get attacked for being lesbian, will they expect me and other activists to run around to help and support them. I mean obviously I will but at that time I was so angry I couldn’t believe their ignorance.

I thought to myself if we homosexuals find amusement when one of us gets attacked what kind of message are we sending out there to the public? Come on people its emails like those and idiotic comments like the ones they were throwing during the conversation that make the world not to take us seriously. I am a survivor of homophobia, and I am doing my bit to fight it that no one ever has to go through it. What are u doing?



Aluta continua!


Published June 25, 2012 by Miss Pamstar

funny clothing tag give it to mother

FYI! I am not a clothing item, well at least that is what i thought… I dont understand why you giving me labels??? Unless my mirror is missing something.

Do I have a “Made in china” tagline written on my forehead? before my sexuality I am Human!!!

You look at me with eyes filled with hatred,

You look at me and judge me,

By the way I dress, the way I walk, and the way I carry myself in public.

You think you know me,

But you don’t!

You look at me as if I’m an alien from planet Pluto,

Just because I know myself,

And I’m comfortable in my own skin.

You call me names; swear at me, gossip about me.

You think you gonna break me, well think again.


My life doesn’t revolve around your sorry, predictable lives.

Hate me, swear at me, Label me, and just see if I care!

I don’t live for you.

It’s my life, my clothes, my homosexuality.

Atleast I know myself and for your information

I’m happy!

Think of me whatever you want

Call me a Bitch coz I don’t wanna wake up next to you with your stinking beard.


Threaten to kill or rape me

Believe it or not, it won’t change me.

Yep I love my baggy clothes and my dirty converse sneakers.

Yep I love my girlfriend, besides she smells good every morning.


I have rights!

I’m legal in my country,

I’m confident and on cloud 59 with my life.


funny clothing tag run away spoon

“Stabane, Moffie, Nkonkoni, nqingili, Lesbian or Dyke”

Say ‘em I do not care!

I know how to express myself,

I know how to respect you,

Do the same, even if you don’t, – I don’t care!

Look at me with love, I’m also human.

Look at me and love me, flaws and all.

I’m African and proud.


I won’t change your “STRAIGHTNESS”

I’m just me, be you.

Judge me not,

You’re not God,

But either way



Published June 23, 2012 by Miss Pamstar


You complain about life,

The fears you go through,

The traumatic experiences you face,

The poverty you suffer,

No matter how much you try,

No matter how hard you pray,

It’s just never easy,

It just feels like its getting worse.                                        

Each day you go through life

With the spirit of a lion,

Each day you wake up and promise yourself

That today will be different.

But it doesn’t happen

You try your best to better your life.

Don’t you think it’s time to stop trying?

And do what you do best;

Just move your feet and let the beat take you away


It sounds hard when you think about it

But you and I know

That this is the only thing you do best

Let the beat carry on and just


In whatever that you do


And when you’ve reached the biggest stage you’ve always dreamed of dancing on,

Remember that your past doesn’t always determine your future.

What we call the beginning is often the end

And to make an end is to make a beginning

So go out there and show them what you’re made of


The past has another pattern, and ceases to be a mere sequence

Encouraged by superficial notions of evolution

The moments of happiness not the sense of well being

This becomes, in the popular mind, a means of disowning the past.

When the curtains roll down, the beat stops and you get a stand innovation

Why stop DANCING just carry on

Do all the styles you’ve always seen other people doing

Dance as if it is your last day and remember that all the great dancers

Never stop even when the music does.

Tough is the life out there or so you say

Tiring is dancing well others think that.

Self opinionated people never go far

And arrogant dancers never get the stage

Relax, never forget where you come from but don’t let your past determine your future

So no matter how tough the going gets remember that you are the greatest dancer of them all.

For what it’s worth



There is a new dyke in the blog…

Published June 22, 2012 by Miss Pamstar

Hey there lovely people of the f****d up universe, to some I don’t need intro but hey who cares I just wanna shine on my vaseline one more time why the F**k not? For the first time in my life I can use the F word in my writing with no shame and it feels so freaking good. Hate not, I won’t make it a habit it’s just my way of getting rid of the nerves.  *clears throat* Okay, let’s bake this cookie… :D

Some of you might be familiar with some of the articles I will be posting in the next couple of weeks, reason being Exit (gay and Lesbian newspaper) that I was writing for did not reach everyone. So I decided to re-publish to fill you in on what has been happening in my life and that of other homosexuals.


The minute people see or hear the words “religious” and “tolerance” in one sentence, they immediately associate them with Christianity and the Bible. What makes Christianity most susceptible to criticism of homosexuality and not the other religions? It could be a lot of things or maybe even the fact that, Christians fall easy to prey because of their quick judgments and referrals to the holy book.

The media has not made it easy on them as most documentaries frequently use them to justify homosexuality. Come to think of it, South Africa is said to be a rainbow nation country and we has a lot of other religions, but they are not equally recognized in these documentaries. Take for instance Muslims; it is not like there are no homosexuals in that religion, but the approach and influence of the media is frequently directed at Christians. Most of whom are from the townships where Christianity is most significant. The question that now rises is why the media coverage is not widely spread into other religions to create more controversy and to get more answers of how other religions feel about homosexuality?

The same controversy on culture has not been widely spread as they tend to link these debates “culture” and “religion “and Zulu’s are often the target. Could it be because of the link to the language and heaven: (Izulu = Heaven and Zulu = Culture/Language). Either way Zulu’s are frequently criticized of ignorance yet they are praised for their respect in their culture. I don’t know why, but I feel many might argue the point of ignorance since our President is a Zulu speaking man. What about the comments that Zulu’s are against homosexuality blah, blah, blah! On that note not only them, but we also have other cultures that are against homosexuality. A few months back my friend and I had a debate with Pedi guys at a retail store, these guys were arguing that there are no gays in their culture. For a moment I believed them as I had never heard or seen a Pedi gay before. To my surprise I met one just recently who is out and proud to be gay. Goes to show how easy it is to judge and protect our cultures without proper research of human sexuality.

Back on religion, debates are never fully closed as to who wins the argument between homosexuality being a sin and how we are all going to burn in Hell, the scientific facts and our opinion as homosexuals. I guess it doesn’t really matter anymore to most, as homosexuals are slowly accepted or rather tolerated in churches.

Nowadays we have homosexual pastors, who lead churches and are conscious and cautious of the over popular verses in Leviticus and the Corinthians about homosexuality. Not that it is a bad thing, after all the Bible was written by humans who knows whether they wrote it to suit themselves and their beliefs or maybe that they too were homophobic like most Christians. It still doesn’t change the fact that we are here.

I somehow agree that maybe they were sent by God to write those verses, but what is said is not often written as it was said. Although most of you might agree with me when it comes to the contradiction by Christians to the fact that somewhere in the Old Testament it says “God created man in his own image” why then is it so difficult for them to accept that we are also God’s children and are created in his image.

Satanism is also a religion according to most, which is associated with evil and darkness. Take Goth’s for instance, it is also a subculture that is associated with evil because of their appearance. Most people love black nail polish and black clothing, I am one of them, but does that make us Goth?

My opinion is, it is just like the typical misconception that if you are lesbian you want to be a “man” which does not entirely apply to all lesbians.We can debate this topic until Jesus comes back, but we will never reach a mutual conclusion and understanding of religion and homosexuality. Being judgmental about it also does not help as we are also defying the word of God according to the Bible, Matthew to be exact (Do not judge, or you too will be judged. Matthew 7:1). What is written in the Bible is now regarded as history as it is ancient.  What matters now is that we are here and we are writing articles like these, which will also be regarded as history in years to come. The fact remains that homosexuals were there during the writings of the Bible, and are here now that’s why we write about them, and they will be here in years to come. So these debates are really not worth it.

Your thoughts on this will be very much appreciated. :)

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